That’s where you should know something about the two of us. The first time around at nearly everything, we will almost never get it right. It’s not for lack of trying mind you. In fact, this recipe disorder dates back as far as I can remember. One summer for example while I was still in high school, I nannied for two young girls. Their mother knew my inability to be a first time success, so when she would ask us to make brownies she would leave two boxes of the brownie mix behind. One for my first try, and the other to replace the inevitable inedible concoction.
The Rainbow Cake was no exception. It started out so gloriously, which is maybe where the problems began. I tend to be simultaneously overly confident and obnoxiously uncertain at any given moment. This is what the process looks like in my head:
Step #1 Add the Layers: Anxiety Ridden
I’m nervous. Oh gosh, I’m going to fail. I can’t make a fricking cake. How are you adding the batter, Nancy? Shoot, I splattered some. I ruined it. This is going to be the worst cake ever. I’m NOTHING! (flash back to Black Swan but less violent)
Step #2 Pre-Oven: Cautiously Optimistic
Hey, they don’t look as bad as I thought they would. Maybe we have a chance. Maybe I can dream again. There IS hope!
Step #3 Post-Oven: Cocky S.O.B
Gasp! Look at them! They are gorgeous. Oh my gosh. This is going to be the best cake ever. We are going to be professional bakers. Martha Stewart will hire us to work in her test kitchen. We are going to own our own cake shop. In New York! Celebrities will buy cakes from us for their snotty children named Broccoli and Toronto!
Step #5 Out of the Pan: What the …?
I am a complete and utter idiot. Why did I even try? I am never going to try anything new, ever again! Life is a graveyard of…. you get the idea. I basically go down the tried and true Anne of Green Gables route of over-dramatic histrionics.
Final Presentation: Back to the Middle.
Ok, so this didn’t turn out like it was supposed to. It’s
a little quite dry, but at least it’s a bit fun to look at now. That’s something, right?
Moral of the Story:
I know what you think I’m going to say, “Try, try again.” Or “Never give up.” Blah, blah, blah. No, no, I prefer “Ice cream covers a multitude of sins.”