Allie Brosh has to be the funniest woman alive. She encapsulates what Melissa and I will spend hours lamenting over. The conversation will go like this: Why can’t I just clean a little bit everyday? Why do I have to let my house go to complete and utter chaos before I get the energy to clean it. Why does my car want to be a place where squirrels and small furry creatures want to make a nest? Then after you clean, you become a drill sergeant. Don’t you touch that bed I just spent the last 4 hours cleaning! Do you realize the effort it took to make that bed perfect? Dogs, no fun! You will lay down on your beds and not put a single paw on the clean wood floors.
When you become the drill sergeant you are in constant “defend the territory mode” until someone (a pet, a child, a significant other) manages to break through the wall of Jericho you have set up. Don’t they realize you just want a living room that looks like pottery barn for just one day, so you can feel like you have your life together in some sort of capacity? Then the inevitable happens. A single dog hair finally makes its way past the defenses you have so valiantly defended. You can see it out of the corner of your eye floating ever so slowly, happily defying you with every inch it gets closer to the clean wood floors, that you just scrubbed on your hands and knees.
That my friends is the beginning of the soon takeover. The hair then becomes a pile big enough to knit a sweater, the pillows on your beautifully made bed are now all over the place from dogs jumping or significant others jumping on the bed. The dishes slowly begin to pile in the sink gaining strength in numbers. This is just the cleaning takeover. I haven’t even touched on returning peoples’ phone calls and emails. Then you find yourself drowning in a sea of self hatred, procrastination and guilt. It is not that you don’t want to clean, return phone calls and emails. It is just that you have run out of steam from the last cycle of trying to have a perfect life and a perfect house and be that perfect person that returns emails and phone calls in a timely fashion. Slowly, they win. The house has been officially taken over like termites take over old rotting wood, and somewhere you have to find the energy to fight the entropy all over again, and this is why I love Allie Brosh because she has diagramed out my neurosis in a very clear and understandable way. You too will find that you are not alone in trying to keep up those menial tasks that we are expected to do everyday, and yes they don’t go away–Ever.